Blissful bhaktis, stupendous satsangs,
Long drives, deep conversations,
Elevating yatras, self-development sessions, You made life, a divine celebration,
Now it is time for me to sing, through my story, Your sweet praise and gracious glory,
Oh My Divine Sadgurudev!

My magical journey as a baby at His Lotus Feet, to a sevak of the English content team, wife of a very connected devotee, a mother of two blessed children is progressing on, and with His blessings one day, it will also include the role of His self-realised sevak. Though I sometimes do wonder – what more lies in moksh than the bliss I feel in the shelter of His Lotus Feet? What more can one want than the smile of His rajipo?

I was forty days old; He was fourteen years, the day I got my first darshan. From that moment, till now I’ve experienced ‘Yogakshemam Vahamyaham’ i.e. He has and is helping me sail through the ocean of my life. Before I wished, He fulfilled; before I fell, He held; before I was lost, He guided. But when I achieved success, He pointed to Param Krupalu Dev.

When I was at School, He was my Guiding Teacher

“You have come with the good fortune of a princess,” He would tease me. But with that good fortune, He sowed the seeds of bhakti. I always wanted to be first, the best as a student, be it grades or extracurricular activities. He praised me for being talented, but with it, one night in Shimla, 1992, He instilled a deep foundation of devotion. When my brother complained that I did not come for bhakti, He expressed a sweet displeasure, ‘All your talents are like zeros; bhakti is the 1. All your talents hold meaning only if they have the ‘1’ of bhakti in front of them.’ Keeping my external world intact, He had transformed my internal world. When the sweetness of bhakti blended in, every act became a dedication unto Him.

That same year for my birthday in Palitana, I offered Him clumsy handmade chocolate coconut rolls. As He eyed them feigning hunger, He said, “If you are offering this on the occasion of your birthday, what will you offer when you experience samyak darshan?” Barely comprehending the magnanimity of this blessing, I stared at Him speechless. He answered for me, “Shu Prabhucharan kane dharu, atmathi sahu heen, te to Prabhue apiyo, vartu charanadhin.” The last two words laid the charter for my life – it was His word I would follow. At the age of twelve, He had already charted out the route of my life – to attain samyak darshan through bhakti and ajnapalan.

When I was a Teenager, He was my Eternal Friend

As I grew up, I was easily influenced by the company I kept, be it spiritual or social. He compassionately explained one day that if your hands are filled with grit and gravel and you want a delicious sweetmeat, you must throw the former to free your hands for the latter. It was now clear that till I desired the world, I would not yearn deeply enough for Him. To ensure my connection with Him, He even allowed me to call Him every day, if I had not had a lengthy talk with any friends on the phone in the whole day. This was my golden period. I clearly remember those short energising conversations where He would talk of His daily schedule and bhakti. But one day I broke His ajna and lost His rajipo and that golden opportunity. He said that a bank would give you a loan only once. If you broke their trust, it would all be lost. Again, He had expressed the sole importance of ajnapalan over my desires, emotions and moods. I was now focused. To get a glimpse of Him stood far beyond any worldly company, pleasure or friends.

When I was on Stage, He was my Divine Director

In 2002 came a colossal gift – far beyond my imagination or expectation – to enact the role of Mahasati Chandanbala in the play ‘Mahasati Shri Chandanbala’. It gave a new turn to my spiritual life. Early morning rehearsals and late night memorisation sessions kept me aloof from all that was going on around me. My life was single-pointed. My heart attached only to Him. I can say that it was during this period that I consciously made the decision to dedicate my life entirely at His Lotus Feet. After every performance I could not recall anything except His Divine Hand carrying me through it. I would only remember stepping on stage and then stepping off it. Amongst worldwide fame and praise, all I can bring to memory through misty eyes, is His Grace. To express my state through an example, during one of the performances a nail on the stage pierced my leg. As the fellow artists were shocked by the pool of blood on the wooden floor, I did not even know that I was bleeding. If this was not grace, then what was it? After the first show, He left me with the message – ‘Now, become Chandanbala in real life.’ The power packed dialogues coupled with His blessings nurtured me spiritually.

When I was Married, He was my Heavenly Father

For many, marriage pulls them away from God. My marriage only drew me closer to Him. I was getting married to Amit Sheth, someone who was intensely in love with Him. Amit’s straightforwardness and ego-free nature in his spiritual relationship encouraged me to be the same. Life totally revolved around Bapaji now as evenings were spent in His divine presence, trips began with Him, outings ended with Him and conversations were about Him. We met Him every evening and received shots of satsang that energised us spiritually.

As Amit’s hand held mine for the ‘hasta melap’, His hand over ours epitomised the very essence of our marriage. Our relationship has meaning only with Him sheltering it. He was the idol at the altar of the temple; we were small lamps, ever at His service, burning to be at His Lotus Feet. With marriage He also gave me a loving family that supported the pursuit of my spiritual goals. To ensure our family remained well-knit He gave us the ajna of eating one meal together every day. He even told us to ensure we did the 4 ‘bh’s together – bhajan (bhakti), bhashan (satsang), bhraman (travel) and bhojan (meals). This helped us to stay connected to each other and finally to Him.

When I was a Mother, He was my Godmother

As I stepped into motherhood, He was there to ensure I nurtured my spiritual baby too. He blessed me with a saying by Mother Teresa that ended with, ‘Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the final analysis it is between you and God. It was never between you and ‘them’ anyway.’

As Aanya, my daughter grew, His form of training me took a turn. We both would meet Him every day for lunch, and He would train me through her! He would sweetly chastise her while indirectly pinpointing my faults! Known for my independent and headstrong nature, when Aanya would display similar traits, He would reprimand – This crookedness will not work with me. Your father is not like this. I wonder where these traits came from. The whole room would burst into peals of laughter including me! But the point was well-taken. I consciously started giving in and being a more adjusting person.

Stressed with two young children, I was also facing serious issues with my temper. One day, when Aanya displayed her temper, He calmed her – First calm down. Even if you are right, it does not give you the right to be angry. The message hit home. Whenever my temper went up, His message instantly brought it down, and my lips turned into a smile.

The Unmoved Mover

Brisk walking on the roads of Marine Drive, or cycling through the streets of Mumbai, lying in hospital after His angioplasty, or undergoing physiotherapy – through it all I have seen Him detached, aloof, in the world but not of the world. What I have seen unswerving is His faith in Param Krupalu Dev. If someone were to ask me what about Him I love the most, I’d say His eyes that are windows into the depths of His Soul. If someone were to ask me what about Him would you emulate, I’d say His love for Param Krupalu Dev. I want that same love, for Him.

May Param Krupalu Dev bless me with His Divine shelter forever and ever.