His Meera

Main Toh Prem Diwani

Being the youngest child in the family I was pampered by everyone. Anything I desired, I received in a matter of hours. I was extremely stubborn. Gurudev would remark, “She will not listen to even Indra, Chandra, Nagendra but if I tell her, she will listen.” He was the steadfast pillar in my life and my love for Him never changed, no matter what.

Due to my lifestyle, waking up early was a task and 11 a.m. was usually when my morning began. Once, Gurudev told me that I had to wake up by 7.30 a.m. from then on. I was wide-eyed, but His word was my command. I asked myself, “Do I truly love Gurudev?” If yes, why couldn’t I do such a small thing that He had asked me to do. As the days went by, He changed the time to 6 a.m. and finally He has trained me in such a way that I can wake up at the time He tells me to.

During Paryushan Parva in 2007, I had fasted for 11 days to win Gurudev’s rajipo. People who knew me thought that this was a herculean task as generally I would start getting blackouts even if a single meal was delayed. On the day of my parna, Gurudev told me, “You could not have accomplished this with your shakti, this is only because of your strong-headedness, stubbornness and your love!” This is the beauty of Gurudev – He had converted my stubbornness into determination that helped me on the spiritual path.

The word ‘shopping’ was like music to my ears. I bought everything I liked, without looking at the price tag! Gurudev once remarked that Meera has the capacity to spend 5 lakh rupees in 5 minutes. The good thing was while shopping for things I liked, I would think of Him and buy something for Him as well. But whenever I did this, I realised that He did not want or need anything as He had Param Krupalu Dev. I did not have that contentment even after I bought half the store. Gradually, my craze for shopping started to diminish and the longing for the bliss He experienced started to increase.

In 2009, I was blessed with the opportunity to cook for Him thrice a week. That was the only time I went into the kitchen willingly and wholeheartedly. Once, He light-heartedly remarked, “Meera cooks for me with her long nails and the nail polish goes in my food.” On Jnan Pancham that year, when everyone offered Him books and pens; I offered my cut nails and nail paint. With a broad smile, He shook hands with me and said, “This is the best thing you could have given me, the food going in my stomach wasn’t important, it was important to check if you had surrendership.” He made giving up things so easy.

I am repulsed by the smell of malai and feel like throwing up immediately. Once, Gurudev asked me to eat malai saying that I would be out of the Ashram if I threw up. I silently ate it and didn’t vomit. Gurudev sweetly remarked to those around, “My ajna is enough for her, she will not throw up.” So easily He works on my likes and dislikes.